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--- Fountain OF ACTION! ---
Sword in the Stone OF ACTION!
Professor Pow! plans to take the English throne by removing the Sword from the Stone. The CIA is on the case, assigning Crush and partner Roxie Redcoat to the case. Crush must fight a team of terrorists and defeat Lt. Laserface in order to Save the Queen and prevent the reign of King Pow!
2005 - An Odyssey OF ACTION!
Evil emperor Professor Pow! obtains a Monolith that gives him the power to turn everybody on Earth into monkeys. CIA Special Agent Colonel Crush tasked with stopping Pow! and is assigned a partner. Unfortunately, the partner betrays Crush. If Crush doesn't succeed, we'll all be swinging from trees.
From Russia with ACTION!
Professor Pow! goes on vacation, but arranges for Lt. Laserface to steal the original Hammer and Sickle from Lenin's Tomb. To stop him in time, Crush must team up with his army buddy from the cold war, Corporal Cramm.
COLONEL CRUSH: FOUNTAIN OF ACTION!
EXT. A FOREST - DAY
Five TERRORISTS stand in a circle.
Spread out... We need to find the Fountain of Youth
TERRORISTS search forest.
(Calling out and whistling)
Fountain of Youth! ...Youth!
LT. LASERFACE walks into clearing and finds a fountain.
EXT- OUTSIDE A DECAYING LLAMA FARM AND VINEYARD - DAY.
Tell me... what was the captain's name?! TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW!
I'm just a garbage man!
Then I guess we don't need you any more...
TERRORIST hands HEAD TERRORIST a gun.
HEAD TERRORIST cocks gun and aims it at GARBAGE MAN.
COLONEL CRUSH kicks down a gate.
HEAD TERRORIST dives out of the shot.
COLONEL CRUSH kills all of the TERRORISTS, shooting the GARBAGE MAN repeatedly.
COLONEL CRUSH walks up to dying GARBAGE MAN.
I'm just... a garbage... man...
GARBAGE MAN dies, COLONEL CRUSH stands up.
(dramatically and in tears)
HEAD TERRORIST slowly creeps away in background, but steps on a twig, making a sound.
COLONEL CRUSH turns around.
HEAD TERRORIST starts to run away, and COLONEL CRUSH pursues.
While chasing HEAD TERRORIST, COLONEL CRUSH fires and misses. HEAD TERRORIST runs into a christmas tree farm.
HEAD TERRORIST shoots COLONEL CRUSH's gun out of his hands. Still firing, COLONEL CRUSH dramatically reallizes what has happened, and continues after HEAD TERRORIST.
HEAD TERRORIST runs into a dead end, and turns around, COLONEL CRUSH hot on his heels.
COLONEL CRUSH stops as HEAD TERRORIST takes off his mask and is horrifically revealed to be a man.
Both COLONEL CRUSH and HEAD TERRORIST fire their guns, each disarming the other.
COLONEL CRUSH and HEAD TERRORIST run toward each other and begin to throw punches.
Jumping on HEAD TERRORIST's back, COLONEL CRUSH reads HEAD TERRORIST his rights.
You have the right to remain dead!
COLONEL CRUSH breaks HEAD TERRORIST's neck.
INT - Pow's Hideout
Professor Pow! holds an unseen figure at gunpoint.
Well, well... I've been waiting a long time for this day. Now you're going to tell me exactly what you know. Not in a talking mood, eh? Perhaps you need some encouragement...
Professor Pow! pulls back the hammer on his gun.
I'm sick of your games, now talk!
The phone rings. Professor Pow! accidentally fires his gun before answering the call.
What!? What do you need?!
Professor Pow!, Lt. Laserface, leader of the Ukranian terrorists is on line one.
Put on Lt. Laserface...
Professor Pow!, I think I've found what you're looking for.
You've found the fountain of Youth?
Perfect. And what of the Supreme Court?
Excellent... Then there's just one thing left to do...
Anything else Professor Pow?
Put on Fred, the CIA Director.
Yes, is this Fred?
Yes, Professor Pow!
I think its time that we... Took care of COlonel Crush.
INT - FRED'S OFFICE - DAY
Yes... Yes... Yes! ...Here he is now.
Colonel Crush walks into FRED'S office.
Congratulations Colonel Crush on a job well done. Its too bad that poor innocent Garbage Man was slaughtered by those terrorists. Now I know you've been trying to take that Tajiti vacation for about five years now, but it seems you'll have to cancel it once more. I don't know if your mother's had a chance to help you with the headlines yet, but we've just recieved dire news from the Supreme Court building. It seems all nine justices were brutally murdered while throwing a suprise party for the speaker of the house.
Colonel Crush, I didn't even know you knew what the supreme court was!
No, my vacation!
Here's what our security cameras caught of the trajedy.
FRED turns computer moniter to show CRUSH the footage; CRUSH steps forward to watch.
INT - A HOME - DAY
An empty home.
EXT - A PORCH - DAY
Four terrorists walk up to and enter door.
INT - A HOME - DAY
Supreme court comes out of their hiding places to see four terrorists. They all begin to have dramatic, close-up reactions.
INT- FRED'S OFFICE
FRED zooms into the ongoing slaughter
This is Lt. Laserface, Professor Pow!'s right hand Ukranian. Nobody else can be behind this carnage. Only you can find Professor Pow and bring him to justice. We've recieved word that he'll be in an abandoned military complex at 1800 tonight. Everything you need to know is in this file folder.
FRED hands COLONEL CRUSH some files. Baffled, COLONEL CRUSH throws files away as he leaves.
INT - ABANDONED MILITARY COMPLEx - 1800 HOURS
COLONEL CRUSH crawls through a small passageway with a laserpoint on his gun for coolness sake.
COLONEL CRUSH kicks open a doorway to the complex interior, and jumps down.
COLONEL CRUSH lands in the center of a ring of five terrorists, who proceed to load their guns because they were to stupid to do so beforehand.
LT. LASERFACE hits COLONEL CRUSH with the butt of his rifle.
INT - POW!'S HIDEOUT
COLONEL CRUSH is tied up to a stool. Terrorists stand on guard by him. CRUSH struggles in vain.
Well, well! Colonel Crush! We meet again! Though it looks as though your time playing hero is up. Soon you'll be killed, and I'll be the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. By the way, Fred sends his apologies. That's right, you've been betrayed by your own CIA director! Surely you didn't think it was coincidence that my terrorists were waiting for you the moment you arrived? Or, that mission to rescue that Garbage Man? Simply necessary to distract you while my terrorists destroy the supreme court.
But why the Supreme Court?
Because that's where the true power of the U.S. Government is... Using liberal interpretation of the constitution, I'll eliminate the other branches of government, and take complete control of the nation.
You can't live forever!
Wrong again, crush. My terrorists have recently discovered the Fountain of Youth, and soon I will dominate the U.S. and soon, the WORLD, forever.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have some... Business to attend to. I'd see you in hell, but, you know... Fountain of youth and all!
LT. LASERFACE and PROFESSOR POW! laugh maniacally.
TORTURING TERRORIST steps forward with his tools.
Well, Colonel Crush, looks like I'm going to be having a little fun with you-ooo!
JUSTICE puts her gun up to TORTURING TERRORIST's head.
JUSTICE fires and TORTURING TERRORIST is killed.
Jennifer Government, FBI. But my middle name is Justice.
TERRORIST, TERRORIST, and TERRORIST all begin to shoot at JUSTICE.
JUSTICE begins to bend backward, avoiding the flying bullets and firing as well. Finally landing on her back, JUSTICE takes three well aimed shots and kills the terrorists gaurding COLONEL CRUSH.
Get up, Justice... Get up.
JUSTICE gets up and aproaches CRUSH, trying to untie him.
Colonel Crush, are you mad?
Fred betrayed me...
JUSTICE slaps COLONEL CRUSH.
Snap out of it! You're the only one who can stop Professor Pow!.
You're right! Fred is dead...
EXT - A FOREST - DAY
VICTOR holds his bleeding gunwound and cries.
Victor! Quiet! Here... Take a glass from the... Fountain of youth! I'm sure it works already, I'm not just... testing it on you...
TERRORIST drinks the water, and PROFESSOR POW! laughs.
TERRORIST takes off his mask and reveals himelf as YOUNGLING.
I'm young again!
While Professor Pow! still laughs, VICTOR grabs the water and pours it on his wound. opening his shirt, it reveals him to be healed again.
VICTOR! BE QUIET!
YOUNGLING begins to frollic around, bothering the poor healed man.
Yes, is this Fred from the CIA? What? Mother?! No, I told you not to call me on this tie! Yes, I suppose I could spare a couple seconds, now what is it you need?! I'm not going to clean my room for you; I'll clean it when I want; I'm an adult, and I'm also an evil emperor!
YOUNGLING pulls out a can of Mixed Nuts
What? I'm busy! No mother, I'm just gonna eat some mixed nuts, hold on. Just give me one-OH GOD! AH! No mother, I did not call you a man! Stop it! Ah! Get away from me! Now, just hold on, just one second. No, its not going to kill you to wait, now hold on!
PROFESSOR POW! shoots YOUNGLING.
Yes, there we go. Now what were you saying?
INT - CIA OFFICE - DAY
Colonel Crush! You're back... so soon...
You BAD GUY!
FRED pulls up a huge submachine gun and puts it in COLONEL CRUSH's gut.
How about we settle this like men...
COLONEL CRUSH and FRED put their guns down and get ready to fight.
COLONEL CRUSH and FRED fight until COLONEL CRUSH, held down, grabs a fork from a ongoing nearby dinner.
COLONEL CRUSH repeatedly stabs FRED with fork until dead.
Dinner has been served...
Crush, we're running out of time. Pow's about to be appointed to the Supreme Court... we have to stop him.
Hello, Fred... Just thought I'd let you know that Colonel Crush is no longer with us! ...COLONEL CRUSH?! Errr.....
I can trace the signal! I've got it. He's at the fountain of youth in the gundrop forest just past teddybear lane.
EXT - The Gumdrop Forest - Day
SHH! We have to be QUIET!
COLONEL CRUSH and JUSTICE sneak up, weapons in hand, to where POW! and his men are gaurding the fountain of youth.
On the count of three...
ONE! ... TWO!
COLONEL CRUSH leads the assault and Justice follows. A battle rages between good, evil, and really cool special effects... made by michael... and nathan...
What?! ...We've got to get Pow! We can't let him escape!
Professor Pow! puts on a Pow! mask.
I... can't tell... which one he is!
He's got a disguise on!
Justice reloads her weapon.
What are you doing??
I ran out of ammo...
Farewell, COLONEL CRUSH!!!
No! We've lost him!
COLONEL CRUSH runs up and shoots LASERFACE, then plants a bomb on his head.
Crush! I could really use your help!
Uh hold on a minute... Okay, lets go.
Wait, what about the fountain of youth? We have to save the fountain of youth! I mean, it could cure diseases, it could save humanity! This could be the best thing that ever happened, Crush!
LT. LASERFACE recovers from his injury
Ohh... My Ukranian head!
Did you plant a bomb on it?!
COLONEL CRUSH and JUSTICE just barely escape from explosion.
INT - CIA OFFICE - DAY
Ha ha! That will never work! Oh Crush, I didn't see you there.
Who are you?!
Did you ever read Ghandi? Don't, its a silly book. I'm the new director John Fubar; pleased to meet you.
You did a great job out there, kid. The general himself has promoted you to Brigadier General. Congratulations, Brigadier General Colonel Crush. It's really too bad that girl you met from the F.B.I. turned out to be an alien, and returned to her home planet. We could really use a girl like her. And Crush, one more thing. I think its time you had that Tajiti vacation.
Uh... Okay... Thanks, mister... okay bye.
Ghandi, ghandi, ghandi. You're such a kidder.
INT - POW!'S HIDEOUT - DAY
Yes, Colonel Crush... Enjoy you're victory now, for its the last time. My final plan is all coming together, and soon it will be... Check mate. Well, well, Victor. It appears your son's heart transplant will have to wait.
PROFESSOR POW! shoots VICTOR. LT. LASERFACE steps on camera.
My head is killing me... This, this Crush Jerk. You know what he did to me? He walks over, and he put the bomb on my head!
LASERFACE! Nobody puts bombs on Lt. Laserface's face! I'll laser you! With my Laser Face! UKRANIAN!
-- END --
Copyright ©2006 by Poorly Projected Pictures. All rights reserved.
Copyright ©2007 - 2013 by Poorly Projected Pictures. All rights reserved.