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--- 2005 - An Odyssey OF ACTION! ---
Sword in the Stone OF ACTION! Sword in the Stone OF ACTION!
Professor Pow! plans to take the English throne by removing the Sword from the Stone. The CIA is on the case, assigning Crush and partner Roxie Redcoat to the case. Crush must fight a team of terrorists and defeat Lt. Laserface in order to Save the Queen and prevent the reign of King Pow!
Fountain OF ACTION! Fountain OF ACTION!
Professor Pow! distracts Colonel Crush with the capture of a Garbage Man, while Pow's terrorists obtain the Fountain of Youth and go after the Supreme Court. Crush attempts to capture Pow!, but is betrayed by his own CIA director.

2005 - An Odyssey OF ACTION!

2005 - An Odyssey OF ACTION!
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From Russia with ACTION! From Russia with ACTION!
Professor Pow! goes on vacation, but arranges for Lt. Laserface to steal the original Hammer and Sickle from Lenin's Tomb. To stop him in time, Crush must team up with his army buddy from the cold war, Corporal Cramm.
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CC1: 2005 - An Odyssey OF ACTION!
A Colonel Crush Film Review
By Flageloon Z. Omblatz
2006-09-04 - The balance of power has changed. Not only does the CIA have to battle a new madman in Professor Pow!, but Hollywood has to contend with a new genre of entertainment: the Webisode. Fortunately for the CIA, Colonel Crush is on the case. Hollywood isn't so lucky. Colonel Crush is part of the Webisode franchise. Sure, an offer of a billion dollars up front, five guaranteed movies and 20% off the top could lure the Crush creators to Tinseltown, but so far the execs haven't shown such wisdom.

I'll admit it. The Colonel Crush Webisodes don't have multi-million dolllar special effects, great actors, great scripts, great sets, great cinematography, great equipment or big advertising budgets, but they've got pluck, whatever the hell that is. And there's one thing you can be sure about: Hollywood is pluckless. They don't stand a chance.

So... What about this first Colonel Crush film? It's the greatest. And it's rotten. And it has enough pluck to feed all of the starving children of Eastern Virginia. Put that, some camo and some fake guns in a cement mixer, and you have a masterpiece for the ages.

The film opens with the discovery of a Monolith. It falls into Professor Pow!'s hands, and the action is put into... action! CIA Special Agent Colonel Crush sacrifices his Tahiti vacation and tracks down Pow! with his mysterious partner, Miss Espionage. Pow! threatens to turn everybody into monkeys, unless the UN gives him a billion dollars.

Professor Pow!, played by director Nathan Fairhurst, wouldn't just steal candy from a baby. He'd cover it with sweet, sticky radioactive goo and give it back, turning the baby into a seventeen foot tall, green, glowing warrior in the Professor Pow! Recreational Slave Army. Not only that, but when Professor Pow! plays games, he cheats! Just ask his accountant, Victor (played by Matt Thogerson).

Colonel Crush is a brilliant spy with good looks, sophistication and impeccable manners. Okay. I lied. He's a dumb slob who shoots things that move. He's also really lucky, and too stupid to know his limitations. Crush is played by Matt Ellis in a manner befitting Shakespeare, my pet sheep.

Does Crush stop Pow! Does he destroy the Monolith? Can he tie his own shoes? You'll have to watch the Webisodes yourself, as I'm not about to give away such a trite ending.

Yes Hollywood, there's a new game in town. Either hand over the billion dollars, or you'll all turn into monkeys!
- Flageloon Z. Omblatz

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